until we didn’t
men imitate heartbeat on 16 bit screens
a second too long embrace
cherubs pluck ominously on heartstrings
whispering soft melodies, forgotten hopes, re-membered histories
gentle memories float through elongated time, travelling through wormholes and shredding up synapses, our electrical circuits short in synchronicity
decision fatigue
a passive man’s paradise
the holes are empty
and I am tired
I want you to fill me up but you yourself are leaking
oozing echoes
they spill from your exhausted body
I see it in real time
24 frames per second
a tidal wave of the past
a tsunami of forgotten memory
computer crash
control alt delete
pigeons with sunburnt gums
the sorry state of affairs
the terrifying uncertainty of life
stumbling across something, someone, that changes the trajectory of your life forever, completely by chance your entire narrative is altered and there is nothing you can do about it
how can we live like this?
how could anyone?
how could anyone?
bodies fold themselves into other bodies
interpersonal origami
glitching simulations on 12 gig RAM pcs
projected glitterballs
ultimate simulacrum
you need something clean, something that’ll make your heart stop
I crave the ache of a broken heart, the simulated pain that triggers the most beautiful creations
my heart is on a shoestring
tied up at your feet
dragged through the same dirt as you, travelling together
(I never meant for it to get this good)
one basin that holds things
another that does not
you called me the love of your life in passing
the world span
the waves crashed
it all ended
tears that never quite dried
the memory of a wound
so clear we both had to look away
(we sink further)
we are in bed yet we do not sleep
we are endangered yet we do not die
I am in flames yet I do not burn
the right to the future tense
I’ll hold you on the kitchen floor
sweep up the scattered shards of your silent self
I’ll reassemble you
solitary moments spent in bathrooms across the world, catching your breath at your appearance in the mirror, wanting to share it with you the one you love, the one just out of reach
(first we feel them, then we fall)
I need you on my side
cutting up and rearranging
life wants to be on the edges
it’s more fun that way
the thrill of the unknown
something to sink your teeth into
a woman of no appearance
she glides through life
unnoticed
a ghost
only her bones are on show
sheathed in blue light, trapped behind her screen
she is a woman now
she stretches leisurely into all corners of the human condition
I fall through her pelvic floor
she was thawing
marinading in her own life, her own skin
desperate to escape the monotony of life yet unsure how to do so
she makes art and then she does not
unsure how to grasp the uncertainty of what’s to come and what’s not to come
she crumbles in on herself
(I crumble in on myself)
the escape is essential
my heart is heavy
a clenched fist holding onto old memories
I just want arms around me
I don’t care who’s
as long as their yours